That time we made pizza dough

Ever hear about a pizza dough recipe that only uses like 3 ingredients & one of them is yoghurt? Well, besides being extremely sceptical I decided to attempt it as one of our covid-19 lockdown “crafts”…

Ingredients: 1 cup of Yoghurt (seems like any plain will do, I went with double cream as that’s the shorts yoghurt of choice), 2 cups self-raising flour (you can make your own with cake flour & baking powder, think it’s 2 teapoons baking powder to 1 cup flour), smidge of salt (himalayan for the win).

Tell the shorts you’re going to be making homemade pizzas, bask in their un-enthusiasm as if they’ve been down this road before (it was only once, & after their reaction, & hanging my head in shame at my failure I’ve been too scared to attempt it again…until today…dundundaaaaaa), & crack on. After mixing the ingredients in a bowl, tip it out onto a flour sprinkled kitchen counter & start kneading it together, adding more flour if it becomes sticky. Rejoice inwardly when youngest short comes to investigate what it is you are doing & asks if she can be involved in the squishing (silently pray that the chops will actually eat this & that it hasn’t been a colossal waste of yogurt, flour & time). At some point you should probably pre-heat your oven to 260°C (must be hot otherwise no crispy crusty for you), & grease some pizza pans if you have (I used some pie dishes). Divide dough in half & allow the youngest short to roll it out (she’s having an amazing time, oldest can’t be bothered). Place dough in greased pans & spread out to the sides (youngest short has now disappeared). Add a little olive oil/tomato paste/tomato sauce/whatever you have on hand as a base, add some toppings & bake in oven for 15min – comes out kind of like a deep dish pizza with a thick crust, so if you prefer thin use a larger pan or divide the dough into 4.

Whilst baking, continue to stress about what it is you have actually done…I mean yoghurt, in pizza dough, wtf! My life is over, no-one is going to eat it, I’ll never be trusted to make food ever again. Anyway, oven buzzer goes off, this is it, is it even cooked through, who knows! Take pizza out, de-stick from pan, cut in 4 slices, breathe a little because it looks like it’s cooked. Add more dough, toppings etc. into oven. Ask Husbander to take the food out to the little darlings who are causing madness outside. Sigh when the food is returned due to them now wanting to eat inside. Watch pizza slide off plate onto newly vacuumed & mopped floor. Grip hands tightly to prevent oneself from losing it. Finally observe shorts sitting down & attempting to eat the pizza, walk away from the silence (is it good, is it bad, give me something, anything) & serve Husbander & yourself. Hide in bedroom. Suddenly the oldest short startles you declaring that this is the best pizza in the world & can we make it every day (ummm, no, but maybe in a few days time?)…no other pizza dough recipe required – this is the one! The holy grail of pizza…Enjoy 🙂

That time we made Flapjacks/Crumpets/Griddle Cakes

This…is THE ONLY flapjack/crumpet/griddle cake recipe you’ll ever need/want/have/make.

Ingredients: 1 cup of self raising flour, 1 egg, 1 cup of milk (no sugar, no salt, no worries). Including short people is compulsory. Makes about 20ish depending on how big you make them.

Let the shorts mix the ingredients (makes them really happy for some reason), add more milk or flour until you have a decent runnyish mixture (or until you’re happy with the consistency), & then if you have one add the mixture to a squeezy bottle (kind of like those old school red & yellow squeezy bottles, which you can still get as far as I know). Needs to be a screw top squeezy bottle otherwise you’ll end up with batter & the top part of your bottle in the pan (been there, done that). Heat pan. Squeeze out some batter. When you see many tiny bubbles (looks a little creepy if you’re that way inclined), turn over. Paranoid checking is welcome until the bottom side is also a nice golden brown, remove from pan.

Depending on the size of your pan you can usually do a few of these at the same time so as to prevent the short people from screaming that they haven’t been fed in the last 21 months. Don’t be afraid to experiment with shapes (the shorts will be in awe & crown you as their leader) unless you don’t handle well under the pressure of shape ideas being thrown at you from all directions.

Serve warm with a bit of syrup drizzled over (if you have more than one short make sure you give them both equal amounts of flapjacks AT THE SAME TIME to prevent war from breaking out in your living room area & having the house set on fire). I’m planning to attempt this again soon with some food colouring added…I might even let the shorts flip the flapjacks.

Happy Making! P.s Make sure to follow @Mayhem_and_Chaos1984 on Instagram if you’re keen to see what arty farty crafty things we’ll be getting up to, during our covid-19 lock down, as we get up to them.

That time we made ninja stress balls

First official site post of the new year…would be great if someone could tell me where the time has gone. So anyway we’ve been allowing the short people to watch The King Of Random YouTube videos from time to time – honestly I’m loving all the crazy experiments, & the shorts too – & so a few weeks ago I felt brave enough to attempt one of their more crafty projects…enter the stress balls.

All you’ll need are some balloons (about 3 or 4 per ball), some flour (we used white bread wheat flour as I had some from my attempted bread making days, but cake or self raising should work too) , a decanting container (plastic honey bottle works great), a 500ml cool drink bottle cut in half (brain still says 500ml, it’s actually 440ml) – this gets inserted into the honey bottle (or whatever bottle you choose, not too big though. But I’ll keep referring to it as the honey bottle so as not to confuse myself, lol), scissors, some short people (i.e smaller, sometimes annoying, versions of yourself), a heap of patience, an area you don’t mind having covered in flour & probably a cup of tea (was too early for Gin).

So insert cut cool drink bottle upside down into honey bottle & pour in flour. Remove cool drink bottle whilst telling short people to remain patient & make sure all the flour is in the honey bottle. Stretch balloon neck over the opening of the honey bottle & turn upside down so the flour falls into the balloon – If you’re feeling courageous you can allow your shorts to attempt this. Then very carefully remove the neck of the balloon from the bottle. Gently squeeze the air of the balloon whilst still keeping the flour in the balloon (probably not a good idea to let the shorts do this part unless you want all surfaces to look like a flour bomb has gone off). When you are satisfied that you’ve removed all the air, carefully snip off the neck of the balloon (just above flour level). You can either now ask one of the excited shorts to hold the balloon whilst you snip off the neck of the other balloons or you can pre-snip the others beforehand (the last balloon you add will need to be snipped top, bottom & sides, preferably in a contrasting colour to the other balloons to really make it ‘pop’). You will now need to stretch the empty snipped balloon over the flour balloon, making sure you cover the opening of the flour balloon with the non flour balloon. If you want a really firm stress ball you can add another balloon before the final ninja touch otherwise go straight to gently stretching over the balloon with all the cut-outy parts.

Taaaa daaaaa! Now repeat making these until the short people are satisfied & leave you alone to drink your tea 😉

*The oldest short loved his so much it made it to show & tell – proud mommy moment…These are also great if you’re looking for an inexpensive party favour idea.