That time we made Flapjacks/Crumpets/Griddle Cakes

This…is THE ONLY flapjack/crumpet/griddle cake recipe you’ll ever need/want/have/make.

Ingredients: 1 cup of self raising flour, 1 egg, 1 cup of milk (no sugar, no salt, no worries). Including short people is compulsory. Makes about 20ish depending on how big you make them.

Let the shorts mix the ingredients (makes them really happy for some reason), add more milk or flour until you have a decent runnyish mixture (or until you’re happy with the consistency), & then if you have one add the mixture to a squeezy bottle (kind of like those old school red & yellow squeezy bottles, which you can still get as far as I know). Needs to be a screw top squeezy bottle otherwise you’ll end up with batter & the top part of your bottle in the pan (been there, done that). Heat pan. Squeeze out some batter. When you see many tiny bubbles (looks a little creepy if you’re that way inclined), turn over. Paranoid checking is welcome until the bottom side is also a nice golden brown, remove from pan.

Depending on the size of your pan you can usually do a few of these at the same time so as to prevent the short people from screaming that they haven’t been fed in the last 21 months. Don’t be afraid to experiment with shapes (the shorts will be in awe & crown you as their leader) unless you don’t handle well under the pressure of shape ideas being thrown at you from all directions.

Serve warm with a bit of syrup drizzled over (if you have more than one short make sure you give them both equal amounts of flapjacks AT THE SAME TIME to prevent war from breaking out in your living room area & having the house set on fire). I’m planning to attempt this again soon with some food colouring added…I might even let the shorts flip the flapjacks.

Happy Making! P.s Make sure to follow @Mayhem_and_Chaos1984 on Instagram if you’re keen to see what arty farty crafty things we’ll be getting up to, during our covid-19 lock down, as we get up to them.

That time we made ninja stress balls

First official site post of the new year…would be great if someone could tell me where the time has gone. So anyway we’ve been allowing the short people to watch The King Of Random YouTube videos from time to time – honestly I’m loving all the crazy experiments, & the shorts too – & so a few weeks ago I felt brave enough to attempt one of their more crafty projects…enter the stress balls.

All you’ll need are some balloons (about 3 or 4 per ball), some flour (we used white bread wheat flour as I had some from my attempted bread making days, but cake or self raising should work too) , a decanting container (plastic honey bottle works great), a 500ml cool drink bottle cut in half (brain still says 500ml, it’s actually 440ml) – this gets inserted into the honey bottle (or whatever bottle you choose, not too big though. But I’ll keep referring to it as the honey bottle so as not to confuse myself, lol), scissors, some short people (i.e smaller, sometimes annoying, versions of yourself), a heap of patience, an area you don’t mind having covered in flour & probably a cup of tea (was too early for Gin).

So insert cut cool drink bottle upside down into honey bottle & pour in flour. Remove cool drink bottle whilst telling short people to remain patient & make sure all the flour is in the honey bottle. Stretch balloon neck over the opening of the honey bottle & turn upside down so the flour falls into the balloon – If you’re feeling courageous you can allow your shorts to attempt this. Then very carefully remove the neck of the balloon from the bottle. Gently squeeze the air of the balloon whilst still keeping the flour in the balloon (probably not a good idea to let the shorts do this part unless you want all surfaces to look like a flour bomb has gone off). When you are satisfied that you’ve removed all the air, carefully snip off the neck of the balloon (just above flour level). You can either now ask one of the excited shorts to hold the balloon whilst you snip off the neck of the other balloons or you can pre-snip the others beforehand (the last balloon you add will need to be snipped top, bottom & sides, preferably in a contrasting colour to the other balloons to really make it ‘pop’). You will now need to stretch the empty snipped balloon over the flour balloon, making sure you cover the opening of the flour balloon with the non flour balloon. If you want a really firm stress ball you can add another balloon before the final ninja touch otherwise go straight to gently stretching over the balloon with all the cut-outy parts.

Taaaa daaaaa! Now repeat making these until the short people are satisfied & leave you alone to drink your tea 😉

*The oldest short loved his so much it made it to show & tell – proud mommy moment…These are also great if you’re looking for an inexpensive party favour idea.

That time we attempted baking

How people without children bake (a 10 step process):

Open cookbook, select recipe, take out required ingredients, locate needed utensils. Measure out ingredients, mix, bake, remove from oven, congratulate oneself, eat created product.

How people with short people bake (an 11 364 step process):

Decide that today seems like a good day for baking, plus it will kill some time until the husbander gets home. Plus, baking, yum! Select cookbook & browse through recipes whilst keeping one eye (& ear) on the short people.

Select easy enough sounding recipe & start taking out ingredients.

Inwardly congratulate oneself when oldest short person realizes what’s happening & excitedly passes on the message to his sister & they grab their plastic chairs & choose their spots by the counter. Try & have a teaching moment on how & when we use/preheat the oven. Give up due to glazed looks on short people’s faces.

Start measuring out the butter & ask the short people to see if they can recognize the numbers on the electric scale. Ask youngest short person to stop trying to eat the butter/leaning on the scale/pushing her brother off his chair.

Add sugar. Mix, then hand over the spoon to Chaos as she asked to mix first whilst Mayhem sulks. After a few minutes let Mayhem have a turn whilst Chaos sulks as she considered 5.3 seconds an adequate amount of time for her brother to mix.

Take short people to lounge & tell them the baking will only commence when they both stop crying. Wait for everyone to regather in kitchen & attempt mixing, take 2.

Allow mixture to be sampled. Allow more mixture to be sampled. Shoo away onslaught of fingers otherwise there won’t be any mixture left.

Let short people add remaining ingredients & inwardly sigh at comments like “but I haven’t had a turn” (you just did, like 3 seconds ago) & “I can’t see” (you can, your eyes work perfectly, use them).

Finish mixing everything & set aside.

Start tidying the counter whilst trying to get Mayhem to understand that shoving the used utensils to the other side of the counter does not count as tidying up.

Take out cookie cutters & breathe in relief when there’s no arguments over their cutters of choice.

Dust flour on counter & rolling pin. Roll out dough. Curse quietly under breath at dough sticking to rolling pin & counter. Stop fingers from grabbing dough whilst still trying to roll it out.

Cut a dividing line in dough, let dough sides be chosen. Help Chaos cut out cookie shapes. Smooth Mayhem’s side as Chaos keeps wanting to cut out shapes on his side too. Allow Mayhem to have his turn. Place cookies on baking sheet, sprinkle with blue sugar & place in oven. Tell short persons to go to the lounge without telling them that the remaining dough can be re-rolled & cut. Cut out more shapes.

Take out cookies when done, muttering angrily because they’re now sticking to the non-stick baking sheet & they’re super hot. Allow cookies to cool whilst quickly scoffing down some of the headless dinosaurs & ear-less bunnies that didn’t make it (tell yourself you’re saving the short persons unnecessary visual trauma).

Serve cookies & give yourself an internal high five when the kids express that they love the cookies (they can be ridiculously picky). Make yourself tea, take a deep breath & remind yourself that you will never attempt baking with the short persons again…until next time.